I am struggling today.

My kids all started school last week. And my little girls started day care. I have yet to start school, that comes in October.

Bit it has gone from Sarah loves daycare (dc) and school, to she will do neither.

It started with some crying on Monday in the classroom. Then Tuesday a bit more. Wednesday was a huge blowout meltdown for about an hour and a half after I left. And today it started at breakfast with a refusal to eat then not getting dressed. One would assume that the running to dc meant that she was settled and ready to go...but I was way off-again.

Maybe that' s why it bothers me so much. Because we had 4 days of bliss. Then 4 days of hell on wheels. And I didn't see any of it coming.

So now I sit and over react. She is such a precious little girls. I wonder, are her "issues" not seen by many because I have worked too hard for the past 5 years, teaching her how to interact? I have always required Sarah to greet people, use manners, look at people when they speak to you, and all those things. It is so natural for me to direct her in everyday things. But now I am not there. Does that mean that all I have taught her gets forgotten? Does anyone else require her to do these things? On top of learning academic things? What if she really does not know these things- these basics in social well being? What if she only does them because I have prompted her to for the past 5 years?

What does a parent of a special needs child do to solve the anxiety? The clinging. Crying. Shaking. Fear in her eyes. I feel like I am punishing her for being afraid by just handing her off to dc staff. Why have I dealt with everything for her the past 5 years and now I pass her off. Am I wrong in being really uncomfortable with that? Am I wrong for wanting to do this differently? Am I allowed to say "enough...deal with the problem she has and ease into this!"?

I feel as though the proverbial "ball" is about to fall from my hands. And i have one last chance before I drop it.

Dear Lord, please guide me. Please help me in not making any rash decisions. Please help me in making the right ones, for Sarah and for our family.

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We framed this picture for her to keep in her backpack.