Well. I Faceb00ked that I have a blog. Uh Oh.
Does that mean that now I have to share it with people? Nah. Only who I want to.
I also went back and re-read my previous posts. I say some things that come off as TOTALLY politically incorrect. And I feel bad for the crassness of them. But at the moment I am writing them, they are the only words available to say what I want to say. So I apologize for being crass, but not for being me.

This weekend...Well. I am waiting for school to start tomorrow. I have to bored little Divas that desperately need to be where they have plenty to do and they aren't near each other. All they do is bicker. It makes me crazy.
~~~~~

I am excited about tomorrow being Monday. Girls at dc for 8 am. Hopefully it will be a much better week for Sarah. And no tears for either of us.
Friday she woke up at 5:30 am (in my bed) and was telling me she was afraid of getting her picture taken at school, so she wasn't going to go. I told her she didn't have to get her picture taken, I have friends with camera's who can do it not at school.
I also talked with our CSS case manager Sue (I LOVE Sue) who is going to bat for me when it comes to finally having the meeting I have asked the school for three times. And when I told Sue that I still had no answer she wondered why. I politely explained that our principal is very....political would be the wrong word.....politician like? Yeah, that's it. I go to her office to get answers with my advocate hat on, and I ask all my questions, make all my requests, and I walk out with that warm fuzzy feeling...and NO answers. And I never really realize it till I am halfway home. So Sue is trying to put together our principal, our teacher, our resource teacher, our dc director, me and her. To set something up for Sarah to transition for dc to kindergarten. I need something that will work because I only have 23 days until my school starts. (I am halfway excited!)

Ahhh on to my exciting day of laundry and food prep for the week.

I am struggling today.

My kids all started school last week. And my little girls started day care. I have yet to start school, that comes in October.

Bit it has gone from Sarah loves daycare (dc) and school, to she will do neither.

It started with some crying on Monday in the classroom. Then Tuesday a bit more. Wednesday was a huge blowout meltdown for about an hour and a half after I left. And today it started at breakfast with a refusal to eat then not getting dressed. One would assume that the running to dc meant that she was settled and ready to go...but I was way off-again.

Maybe that' s why it bothers me so much. Because we had 4 days of bliss. Then 4 days of hell on wheels. And I didn't see any of it coming.

So now I sit and over react. She is such a precious little girls. I wonder, are her "issues" not seen by many because I have worked too hard for the past 5 years, teaching her how to interact? I have always required Sarah to greet people, use manners, look at people when they speak to you, and all those things. It is so natural for me to direct her in everyday things. But now I am not there. Does that mean that all I have taught her gets forgotten? Does anyone else require her to do these things? On top of learning academic things? What if she really does not know these things- these basics in social well being? What if she only does them because I have prompted her to for the past 5 years?

What does a parent of a special needs child do to solve the anxiety? The clinging. Crying. Shaking. Fear in her eyes. I feel like I am punishing her for being afraid by just handing her off to dc staff. Why have I dealt with everything for her the past 5 years and now I pass her off. Am I wrong in being really uncomfortable with that? Am I wrong for wanting to do this differently? Am I allowed to say "enough...deal with the problem she has and ease into this!"?

I feel as though the proverbial "ball" is about to fall from my hands. And i have one last chance before I drop it.

Dear Lord, please guide me. Please help me in not making any rash decisions. Please help me in making the right ones, for Sarah and for our family.

~

~

We framed this picture for her to keep in her backpack.